Round up the unusual suspects

David Bullard |

16 August 2022

David Bullard on the Hawks belated arrests of some alleged culprits for the July insurrection of last year


Like so many South Africans I am delighted to learn that the Hawks have finally discovered who was responsible for the insurrection that caused so much death and economic damage in July of last year. From first media reports it appears that a sinister group made up of all sorts of highly improbable candidates were the brains behind the mayhem.

News24 reported on August 13th the following:

“Among those arrested this week are a primary school teacher, an employee of a car dealership in Berea who until recently was a Sassa grant recipient, a Department of Health worker who helps manage facilities at Harry Gwala Hospital, a worker at an engineering business, a financial adviser at a major bank, an alarm company technician and an employee of an optometrist in Dundee”.

Let’s ignore for a moment that it has taken over a year to identify the culprits and let’s laugh off the fact that after initially appearing in court they are out on R3 000 bail. I may be getting a little gaga in my dotage but the damage figure for the Durban and Gauteng rioting and looting came to between R50bln (Frogboiler’s estimate) and R70bln (the Durban Chamber of Commerce’s estimate).

Now I’m not the type of fellow to push alien culture down unwilling throats as you well know but surely the immortal words of W S Gilbert from the operetta ‘The Mikado’ must carry some heft here? “Let the punishment fit the crime” seems a fair starting point. This shouldn’t suggest for one moment that if you have attacked someone and left horrible, life changing injuries that you should be subjected to the same injuries. However, an appropriate and related punishment should be found for transgressors. ___STEADY_PAYWALL___


For example, in parts of France at the moment there is a hosepipe ban which prevents the French from watering their window boxes and cleaning their cars (something there was very little evidence of when I was last in France). The only exception thus far have been golf courses because they need to keep the greens watered even if the rest of the course is a dusty, desert brown.

Predictably the climate change activists have leapt on this as a display of unacceptable privilege because golf is a game enjoyed by predominantly wealthy people who care nothing for the suffering of the poor. The golf estate managers argue that if the last few yards to the hole aren’t green and smooth then you basically no longer have a golf course and, thus, no more golf tourism. The climate activists argue that’s all very well but hundreds of non golf playing families are going without water just so budding Rory McIlroy’s can enjoy a smooth putt.

So what ingenious scheme have the French climate activists come up with? They are pouring cement into the holes which rather spoils the whole point of golf. After all, who wants to power a golf ball 300 yards down the fairway, then get out a seven iron to chip it onto the green only to find out that the hole has been cemented and that pleasant little plopping sound you hear when you’ve sunk the blighter is entirely missing?

Now the obvious punishment which would fit this crime would be to pour wet cement down the sinks and basins of the dwellings of the climate activists. That would give them pause for thought and I’ll bet it’s a lot easier chipping dry cement out of a golf hole that it is unblocking a whole residential plumbing system,